Soft openings
You really should email us on girlicanmakeyoufeelok@gmail.com
Aaron is a mench - check out his fucking art : http://artaaronmorgan.weebly.com/ some of it is badass black metal. Talk about target audiences.
See, maybe email us, maybe review our podcast on iTunes maybe we promote your things to our massive army of fans.
Here's the article : http://clrvynt.com/david-hall-metal-op-ed/ (y'know what, Aaron sent us that too, I think he works here now.)
Not this guy : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dusty_Hill, this guy is alright, except that reverse headstock's gotta go.
You should review us and read our other reviews on iTunes. Please do this.
Here he is : http://clrvynt.com/david-hall-metal-op-ed/ - we talk about this and how it's awful.
Let's look at some garbage:
Not metal
Also not metal
Stephen reckons this is a blues album https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Sabbath_(album) but he thinks these guys are black metal : http://www.ravennawoodsblog.com/
What the fuck is wrong with him?
Short version of the article
"The first record I ever liked was : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Considered_Dead, it was certainly not : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornograffitti"
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You are going to need that.
Meat Apron : the Cadillac of meat.
Stephen survived this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_X_Factor_(album) and didn't even buy this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_XI
Ale Satan (moonwalks out of blog high-fiving all the honies)
Copper needed by humans says copper.org - what do they have to gain from lying to you? https://www.copper.org/consumers/health/cu_health_uk.html
Nope - more time spent watching Species 2
Rothko: died in 1970, not really an 80s artist : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Rothko
Her name is Rio
Stephen's favorite type of Extreme
Corpse paint
So many black metal albums look like this
Mayhem went all in on this : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mayhem_(band)
Hellcrossing logo - hard to read
Black Anvil - I wonder what kind of music these guys do?
They're fucking great though : https://blackanvil.bandcamp.com/
When you have to do yard work but you're metal AF
Mayhem - live shot.
Aww - we like black metal.
Lots of genres, good work Invisible Oranges http://www.invisibleoranges.com/upcoming-metal-releases-642017-6102017/
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You try to keep it together, you try to be nice but sometimes people will push you too far.
The clerk that gives you sub-par service at the sandwich shop.
The aggressive signature collector pushing their racist agenda.
Guys who wont shut up about jam bands.
It can get too much.
Rightly there are laws in place to stop you from attacking these people, but even more rightly there's no law against deploying ancient Scandinavian curses.
This is why you have to sign up for ABBA-Cadabra, it's the curse delivery system that no-one will see coming.
Each month you're sent a selection of proven curses based on the popular songs by Sweden's greatest band (not counting Entombed and At The Gates). Simply maintain visual contact with your prey and mutter the song title and it's on.
Let's look at some of the ones sent out last week:
"Take a chance on me" - causes the victim to become a reckless gambler - resulting in the lost of
their home and family
"Dancing Queen" - your quarry literally becomes a slave to the rhythm. Please use responsibly.
"The Name Of The Game" - target can only express themselves using the names of popular board games. Their life changes as they appear to take a focused interest on Operations and Mousetraps.
ABBA-Cadabra : Take a Chance On This.
Who is the worst band? Whatchu say? girlicanmakeyoufeelok@gmail.com
Testimony Delivered to Congress
Stephen : Snatched, the Amy Schumer flick : https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/snatched_2017/(super low rating - no Judd Apatow), also features Ike Barinholtz - great.
Paul : The leftovers on HBO
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